OK, I know we’re Santa Fe and we shouldn’t mess around with Albuquerque politics, but tomorrow is election day and…I can’t help myself. This is, hands down, the silliest 11th hour appeal I’ve ever read from a candidate. You may need to click to enlarge.

For the search engine crawlers, here’s the text of Mayor Marty Chavez’s 10pm, election eve tweet:

I humbly ask u 4 ur vote tomorrow & ur help keeping ABQ moving forward. Click here 2 find your polling place tomorrow: http://bit.ly/138s6h

OK, so set aside for a moment that the Mayor of Albuquerque is writing messages to us as if we were 15 year olds. That’s just annoying and a little bit pathetic. One could even argue it encourages illiteracy. But, no, let’s not go there. Let’s analyze.

Mayor Chavez spells out “tomorrow” not once, but twice, a totally of 16 characters. In order to pay for his double helping of tomorrow, he steals six letters from you and yours. He collects another eight letters by gutting Albuquerque. Then he cuts corners with the prepositions and leaves a single unspent character. Technically, he can claim he’s a pay-as-you-go type of Tweeter, who can come in under budget to boot.

Call me capricious, but if I was a voter teetering between Chavez and challenger Richard Romero, this slimy tweet the night before would’ve pushed me over. But maybe I’m reading too much into it…. (ba-dum-dum).

It seems strangely fitting that a flight carrying a man who got rowdy, and then naked, would decide to stop off in Albuquerque to discard him. We’re New Mexico: Bring us your rowdy, your naked, your crazy…
vid from the Journal below:

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures
of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com,
subject “eyedropper.”

Remember TMNT, the 2007 franchise rehash of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ’80s comics and TV show and ’90s movie trilogy? Nah, me neither. But that doesn’t mean the Ninja Turtles are forgotten. Further blurring the line between reptile and bug, this currently inoperative “vehicle” is no doubt promoting a second (third?) rehashing of the qualified turtle empire. Title considerations include a pseudo feminist reworking, Teenage Mutant Ninja Princess Turtles; a cross-species rendering, Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels; and the immensely topical Ninja Turtles: Pakistan Adventure. One thing’s for sure, the film will definitely be shot in Albuquerque and the setting will definitely appear indecipherable from anywhere else in America.

For the first time in history (well, that we know of anyway), a city will designate a Slam Poet Laureate. Not only is the position new in that it differentiates slam poetry from traditional poetry (slam being performance-based, traditional being more inclined to be created and appreciated on a page), but the designation of said SPL is unique: The SPL will be determined by a panel of judges in a knock-down, drag-out competition.

Slam poetry is usually performed in a competitive nature, so it’s fitting that 20 poets will be narrowed down in two rounds, leaving 10 finalists to compete for the title on June 13 (event details can be found at the very bottom of this post). Not only does the creation of this position speak to a modern objective – us crazy kids and our hippity-hop music – but it opens up a venue for dialogue about choosing who represents us and why, and what that representation does for the image of a city and its population.

That being said, I have a confession to make: I’m a bit notorious for declaring how much I dislike slam poetry. I guess I’m a purist in that I think that poetry exists mostly on the page; it is the words, after all, that we’re manipulating, right? And when spoken, words are too fleeting to pin down. In order for a word to have any substance, it needs to be written. When a poem is purely spoken, when a poem doesn’t hold its own or have the most effect when it’s written in ink, it comes and goes too quickly.

Or does it?

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Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”

Super Secret Undercover Agent Dave Maass had his first trip to Albuquerque on the Rail Runner marred by this sign. But instead of submitting to the myriad and readily available criticisms, I’ll pay homage to this beautiful spring morning and offer suggestions on how to make this sign even better!

• First things first, change “sucks” to “sux.” We want continuity with “cuz.”
• Why stop with quotes around “Cuz Jail Sucks”? Insert quotes around “New” and “Bonding” for added fun.
• When I go to jail, the last thing I want to be reminded of is the institution in which I’m stuck. Therefore, when I go to get bail money, I’d prefer to dial something a little more escapist, say 243-FUNZ or MAD-FUNZ.
• There’s one thing that I’d like everyone in jail whom I’m trying to make respect me to know: I’m a baller. So, when Lady Beast and D-Block are standing behind me and breathing down my neck while I make my bail bond phone call, I’d like them to know that 243-FUNZ is renowned for its 24% bail bonds.
• So that there is no way Lady Beast and D-Block could ever forget the information on this sign, it should probably be hot pink. Flames around the edges are nice too.