Holy putrid garbage, Batman. Caffeinated jerky?

Is it true that the act of eating meat—the real fork-and-knife kind—was just so detestable that it had to be altered to its most pill-like form? Or that coffee was just too hot and repugnant to be an adequate source of caffeine? What type of life must one lead that he or she hasn’t the time nor the capacity for joy to eat anything resembling, well, anything?

Oh wait, never mind. This is just a common sexual enhancement drug that can be found at any gas station. “Perky jerky,” “performance enhancing meat,” enough said.

Those ever planning on putting this amalgam into their bodies will be glad to know this is the “Worlds best tasting jerky with no preservatives” (“World’s”? “Worlds’”? Is there better tasting jerky with preservatives?). And that they won’t get the “sugar crash” they’d get from their regular two energy drinks a day—because this is meat, not soda nor coffee nor anything else that’s a palatable medium for the drug.

Enjoy?

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”

This week the Eyedropper is doing things a little differently. I tried to get an image of this car’s “Jesus Is Lord Over Santa Fe” bumper sticker but, due to complications—driving—my plan was foiled. So using Blingee, I’ve crafted the spoiled image to be more…um…readable. The slogan is one I’ve seen before in different cities, but one by which I’m still bewildered. My dismay: Why just Santa Fe? and Why not Vishnu?

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”

Personalized Glitter Graphics

This sign that gently urges motorists to “Give bikes 5 feet” has suffered the same fate as many a bike rider whose increasing presence on the roads is a silent demand for that same thing. Unfortunately bikers, like this sign, continue to be pushed off the roads, left cold in the snow banks to futilely yell, “Give bikes 5 feet” to no one. Wear a helmet.

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”

Though the holiday for which this almost-punctuationless sign was made has past, the point is as image finder Editorial Assistant Charlotte Jusinski says: “The joys of punctuation are relevant even after the holidays.” The helpful/alarming message from Smith’s:

Dont forget your sweetheart makes a great gift.

For today’s exercise, we will experiment with punctuation—any at all—to make this sentence better (Eyedropper’s “better”). Let’s try on for size the following:

Dont forget, your sweetheart makes a great gift.

You have a darling sweetheart. Don’t let your friends lack the same: Give them your sweetheart! Consent optional!

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”

Look, everyone! It’s Saturday night in front of Hotel St. Francis and we just eloped! And we want everyone to know except the people we know! But still, kudos for being original.

Show us what has left the back of your eyelids burning. Send pictures of visual trespass and peculiarities to copyeditor [at] sfreporter.com, subject “eyedropper.”